Blackouts, Time Travel, and my Alter Ego
What happens when I give a presentation? The short answer is a lot.
I am not talking about "a lot" in terms of information that is given and things learned by the audience, I am talking about what happens to me. Is what happens considered normal?
Blackouts
As I find myself I am sitting and looking at the speaker at the front of the room. He seems normal and what's this? He's thanking me, this is odd. Why am I just now "finding" myself? What was just going on? I slowly realize that I must have been giving a presentation of some kind. I don't forget that it happened permanently, but shortly after I finish the whole event slips out of my head. The details come back later but are blurry at first. Why should my mind completely block out the fact that I gave a presentation and how does it come back later?
Time Travel
Once I finally remember some of the details, it seems as if I was just starting the presentation moments ago. Everything is asynchronous. It takes effort to sort it out. When I start presenting my consciousness skips over the whole thing just to come back afterwards. I feel reassured that this might be the cause of my blackout. And I don't fear implanted memories or cover-up conspiracies, but I still wouldn't want them happening to me. The blackout is just my consciousness syncing back up with the time of my body. And here I thought it was my ego getting so large it caused a feed back loop to erase my memory.
Alter Ego
However, it might not be my ego's fault. While my consciousness is skipping forward in time like a smooth stone over a still lake what is my body doing? Who is running my body and attending to the presentation? As my mind skips in and out of sync with time it notices what my body is doing. It is dismayed at the words I am speaking. I think, "I just said what?" I fails to understand how I am coming up with the answers and sentences that I eject out towards the audience. I hear my voice, which is deeper and possesses a twinge of command. Is this my alter ego presenting or some schizo they let replace me? Sometimes the me, that is here now and writing, realizes what the physical me, who is presenting, is saying. Just before I oscillate back out of sync as I ricochet to the future I try to tell myself, "Quit saying 'umm'" and "Don't you know how to present?" Hopefully my alter ego gets the message, but I can never tell.
I don't understand what really happens. But it appears that people like it and the results are good. So why should I complain?
I am not talking about "a lot" in terms of information that is given and things learned by the audience, I am talking about what happens to me. Is what happens considered normal?
Blackouts
As I find myself I am sitting and looking at the speaker at the front of the room. He seems normal and what's this? He's thanking me, this is odd. Why am I just now "finding" myself? What was just going on? I slowly realize that I must have been giving a presentation of some kind. I don't forget that it happened permanently, but shortly after I finish the whole event slips out of my head. The details come back later but are blurry at first. Why should my mind completely block out the fact that I gave a presentation and how does it come back later?
Time Travel
Once I finally remember some of the details, it seems as if I was just starting the presentation moments ago. Everything is asynchronous. It takes effort to sort it out. When I start presenting my consciousness skips over the whole thing just to come back afterwards. I feel reassured that this might be the cause of my blackout. And I don't fear implanted memories or cover-up conspiracies, but I still wouldn't want them happening to me. The blackout is just my consciousness syncing back up with the time of my body. And here I thought it was my ego getting so large it caused a feed back loop to erase my memory.
Alter Ego
However, it might not be my ego's fault. While my consciousness is skipping forward in time like a smooth stone over a still lake what is my body doing? Who is running my body and attending to the presentation? As my mind skips in and out of sync with time it notices what my body is doing. It is dismayed at the words I am speaking. I think, "I just said what?" I fails to understand how I am coming up with the answers and sentences that I eject out towards the audience. I hear my voice, which is deeper and possesses a twinge of command. Is this my alter ego presenting or some schizo they let replace me? Sometimes the me, that is here now and writing, realizes what the physical me, who is presenting, is saying. Just before I oscillate back out of sync as I ricochet to the future I try to tell myself, "Quit saying 'umm'" and "Don't you know how to present?" Hopefully my alter ego gets the message, but I can never tell.
I don't understand what really happens. But it appears that people like it and the results are good. So why should I complain?
Transmitted at 12/14/2005 01:54:00 PM
2 Comments:
After reading this, it's good to know that you don't blackout and fall on the floor during presentations...however, it must be odd having your mind play all these tricks on you.
Also, your post was written quite well...I really think you should pursue this writing "career" you've mentioned in the past...its some good stuff!
By
Kathryn, at 12/15/2005 8:55 AM
Yes, that is why I have that little journal... you should see the stories I am writing in there...
By
TYSEN, at 12/15/2005 8:57 AM
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