Attention Meat Eaters

This just in from cub reporter Bill.

"A new terrorist plot has been unearthed in the heartland of America. It seems a terrorist cell is planning on hitting Americans where it will hurt them the most, their stomachs. These terrorists are different from most other violent extremists because they are vegans. And we all know vegan terrorists are the worst, how else can they protect their animal brethren than by killing humans? Their diabolical plan is to infect the US's Thanksgiving Turkey supply with Bird Flu! Beware, that's not the tryptophan making you sleepy, it's death. However, this plot has a crucial twist. The intended targets of the champaign are not the jolly, turkey-lovin chubbers that make up this country, but the greedy capitalistic corporations that torture their very own customers with ludicrous after Thanksgiving Day sales. Will our consumer driven materialistic society crumble whilst we loosen our belts and have satiated smiles on our faces? Only time will tell, we have less than 48 hours to find out. Do your part to help save our besieged country. All true patriots will avoid the 'Gobble, Gobble' this year." (Source: Gull, E. Bill)